anyway, i seriously just considered googling “how to file taxes”… and then felt too lame to do so.

wish me luck!

I think it’s cause they’re Japanese.

Anyway, this is a strange feeling… I always thought I hated kids, but recent I’ve caught myself staring absentmindedly at them and thinking to myself “aww isn’t he/she cute.”  Especially kids in beanies… who’s idea was that?  So awesome.

I know you’re thinking– oh, must be the biological clock– but I don’t think that’s what it is (at least I hope not… ugh).  I guess I’ve just never seriously thought about kids before.  Or wanting to have them at some point in my life.  Just never came up…

But now, it seems like it’s an inevitable subject to think about.  I’m hanging out with people with kids.  My coworker is pregnant.  Who knows, some of my friends might have kids soon, too.  (Read: Kids!  Upcoming kids!  Potential kids!)  They’re everywhere!! @__@

[regains composure...]

The thought is scary, and I don’t know why.  Maybe it’s because I’m worried (despite my best efforts to consciously resist societal pressures) that there’s something wrong with me.  Most of my girlfriends talk about it like this:

Friend #1: I’ve wanted kids since I was in middle school.

Friend #2: I want a big family.

Friend #3: You dont want kids?!!  I want… 2. or 3.  Probably 2, I dont think i’ll be able to afford 3. [direct quote, lol.  Hope you don't mind, Jip]

My thought process, on the other hand, is something more like this:

What?!  Kids??  I’m too young to think about that.  I mean… I guess… if you forced me to think about it I’d want more than one.  Better they have a playmate… single children are just sad.  And I’d want them to be chubby.  Round things are cuter.  Oh, and they would wear un-stylish clothes.  Kids that are too fashionable annoy me.

Maybe it makes me so uneasy because it hints at a lack of conviction.  Kids (and marriage, implicitly, I suppose) fall into the category of “if it happens, it happens,”  but something that I would be okay without.  It worries me, though, that it’s yet another thing that I’m not actively pursuing that I “should” be (again, sorry for succumbing to societal expectations).

Blah.  Feel like I’ve revealed excessive vulnerability.  I feel so naked. :P

*~..~*~..~*~..~*~..~*

I really wish I had started this blog before I moved out to California.  It’s been a huge transition, even though now it seems like I’m completely settled and have been here forever… funny how that works.

Of course there were the expected moving pains, which included:

• Finding a rental car and painfully shelling out how much it costs to rent one (a lot!)
• Buying a car (on my own!) during the whole cash for clunkers deal with no clunker = no negotiating power (::shakes fist::)
• Re-purchasing all the “day-to-day” things I had just gotten rid of in the process of moving away from Boston (involved multiple trips to and hundreds of dollars spent at Target)
• Hauling my butt over to Fremont to relieve Chsueh’s family of all the junk I had shipped over to store at her place for 3 months (thanks chsueh & fam! <3 though I still have no idea why I shipped my entire college room to California…)
• Buying a bed (surprisingly more stressful than it seems)
• Oh yeah!– did I mention finding a roof to live under?

And the unexpected moving pains…:

• Arriving on the first night, desperately wanting a shower, and realizing– shit, I don’t have a towel!
• Having my computer break down on the flight over, leaving me without internet access for a day and without my PC for a week (really computer?  really?  you’re going to do this to me, of all times, NOW??)
• Getting terribly lost on the way to pick up a GPS (oh the irony) that I bought on craigslist
• Parallel parking Making multiple attempts at but ultimately giving up on parallel parking on a hill (witnessed by many amused passer-bys)

But I think the biggest unexpected moving pain was the loneliness.  I thought I’d be okay– even though I was moving to the opposite coast from most of my closest friends and family, I’ve never been one to feel lonely.  And of course, with the power of the internet (!), it would be a breeze to keep in touch with everyone.

But things were, as they are, totally different from how I expected.  I felt it on my first day– waking up in a totally empty, silent house.  Going about my day-to-day activities (grocery shopping, cooking, running, eating) on my own.  Finding my way around and getting lost in a new place on my own.  Figuring out how what to buy for my new place on my own.  Laughing at my stupidity on my own (that’s a big one ^^’).  For the two weeks after I moved to Cali and before I started work, I think I passed most of my days on  my own…

Of course I was living with Jo, but as awesome as he is he’s just one person.  I missed was the ability to walk 20 feet and chat with a group of people hanging out in the 4th floor lounge.  Even just to ask something trivial– like what’s the weather like today, or what color shirt they like better…

Friends are so abundant in college.  And maybe that’s why I took it for granted that it would always be that way.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of awesome friends out here (and remote!).  It’s just that–and this is going to sound funny, because it’s sort of a “duh” thing– it requires a good amount of effort to keep in touch with them.

I miss the luxury of being able to see someone I needed to talk to just by walking down the street.  And to think I used to complain about having to walk all the way to Baker… ;)

But at the same time, it makes me really, really value the time I spend with my friends.  When Ana and Vu came to visit for the weekend, it was almost as if nothing had changed…

Although I may not see or talk to people as frequently as I did in college, it just makes those moments that much more special.

thanks! <3

watched part of the bcs title game today (wow, i feel so in-touch with american culture!).  stopped after the first 2-3 minutes of the second half.  couldn’t watch– i felt so sorry for that poor freshman quarterback that got subbed in after colt mccoy got injured.  i can’t even imagine the amount of pressure he was under… >.< hopefully people cut him some slack and he’s not scarred for the rest of his college career!

in other news, i experienced my first california earthquake today! (yes, this is exciting news).  it was a 4.1.  my co-workers complimented me on being so calm… unfortunately, i was just calm because i’m slow and didn’t realize it was an earthquake until it was over… -__-’

still trying to sort out exactly what is my problem with being totally “virtual”– it’s a combination of a lot of things, including privacy concerns, information overload, and the trending away from real human interaction…

but when it comes down to it, i think my problem is: it’s another identity that i have to keep up with– one that’s even more easily misinterpreted an misjudged.  hell, i can’t even keep up with the maintenance my actual identity… :P

anyway, on NPR this morning they mentioned a danish (?) service called the Web 2.0 Suicide Machine.  it allows you to quickly erase your facebook, twitter, myspace, and linked in accounts.

they do all these cute things, like urging people to “Commit NOW,” listing facebook (strikethrough) as a partner, and showing messages like, “Sorry, Machine is currently busy with killing someone else.”  NPR said they also replace your facebook picture with a noose when you delete your account (teehee), but couldn’t find it on their website.

i briefly thought about “committing,” but… facebook has its merits, as crappy as it’s getting.  and besides, i’m not ready to die.  i have so much more to give!

*terms fabricated by me.

woman: i have three copies to make.  i need this one unstapled, copied, then restapled.  and i need the copy unstapled.  and i want it just on the front.  and i need these paperclipped ones to be copied too, and re-paper-clipped.  and i need it done for all three.  i have three documents.  do you get it?  does that make sense?

[clerk is hesitant (with good reason).  woman starts the explanation again, more frantically]

woman: i just need to make copies, but i don’t want all of them stapled… [etc., but possily more incoherent the second time]… so does that make sense?

[clerk nods]

woman: sorry if that was unclear.  when can it be ready by?

clerk: 24 hours.

woman: [voice raising] no.  no, no, no.  that’s not okay.  it’s a litigation.  i need this within the next hour so i can fedex it.  i need to meet a deadline!

clerk: [annoyed and worried about the line] well you can self-service.  there are some copy machines over there.

so the woman, a totally obvious copying newbie, hurries off.  as i told the clerk what i needed, i watched her out of the corner of my eye.  she was really frazzled, mistakenly trying to ask other customers questions about how to work the copying machines.

i had finished placing my order and was waiting by the counter when she came back trying to get the clerk’s help again.  unfortunately the already long line had grown even longer, with even more impatient customers, who were getting increasingly vocal about their frustrations.  you know how sometimes you can feel people glaring at you if you try to cut the line?  yeah.

so she turns to me and says, “you don’t look like you work here but maybe you can help me.”

being the total people-pleaser i am, i was glad to help (after all, i was stuck there anyway waiting for my job to finish.  plus, just watching her was stressing me out).  i went over to the copiers, finally sorted out what she wanted to do (it really wasn’t that complicated), and started the job.

as we waited for the copies to finish, she poured gratefulness and compliments on me.  kind of flattering, but a little annoying– not only because i knew it was because she was desperate, but it also reminded me of my mom when she’s being sycophantic. :P

woman: thank you sooo much.  you have no idea how much you’re helping me.  you’re a life-saver.  i’ve been up all night finishing this and i really have to meet this deadline.  you obviously know what you’re doing.  oh what a nice ring!  where is it from?

me: it’s a class ring

woman: oh what school did you go to?

me: MIT in boston

woman: OH my gosh!  i have an MIT person helping me with my copies.  no wonder you know what you’re doing!  haha!  just kidding…

me: mrmphh… [i still haven't gotten used to this reaction.  on the one hand it's kinda flattering, but on the other hand i wish people didn't react so enthusiastically when they find out i went to MIT...]

[short silence]

woman: thank you so much, again.  if i weren’t trying to meet this deadline, i would take you out to coffee.  you know you’re really doing a good samaritan act… you’ll have good karma!

me: haha, i could use some of that right now [last couple of days haven't been the best]

woman: well sometimes it doesn’t come right away.  sometimes it comes later…

my print job finished, and before i headed back to work i made sure the woman was all set up to finish copying her documents.  despite the slight annoyance, i felt good that i had helped her (especially when she needed it.  she was totally sleep-deprived and on the verge of tears). :(

—————————–

on the way home, i stopped by ikea to return some things i had bought before the break.  lo and behold, there is a huge sale!  i wasn’t planning on shopping, but… but… IKEA SALE!!! @__@

not just any ikea sale, but my first ikea sale (ooooh… ahhh…).  and not only that, but a lot of items i had been wanting to buy but holding out on were a lot cheaper than the regular price.  i was so happy.  and couldn’t help but think how lucky i was.

was this my good karma?  my reward for doing something nice for someone else?

realistically… probably not.  first of all, there are always sales.  second of all, i think i have “been wanting to buy but holding out on” almost every item in that damn store, so it’s not so extraordinary that the things i wanted “happened to be on sale.”

but it felt good nonetheless.  it felt like i was being rewarded for doing something nice… and how often does that happen?

so i’m all for karma. :)

one of my new year’s resolutions is to try to update my blog regularly.  not going to set expectations too high, since i’ve already failed… twice. :P

this year i decided to have “safety” and “reach” resolutions (is this a function of being a consultant?  lame.  next thing you know i’ll be making SMART resolutions. -__-’ on the flip side– would i have a higher success rate if i did?  hmmm…).  the blog resolution is a reach one.

anyway here’s my attempt at forcing myself to at least try (go peer pressure!).

happy new year.  happy new decade.

from the outside looking in

goods on sale include things you’d expect– fruits, veggies, fish, meats– to things that are… not so much expected– underwear, purses, towels, etc.  the not-so-much-expected booths are interspersed between the expected things, making for an interesting shopping experience.  (“do i need lychees?  yes!  toothbrushes?  no.  fried squid?  yes!  a bathrobe?  ahhhh i don’t know!!!!! @__@”)

saturday was a lazy day becuase we thought my mom was still kinda jetlagged (we’ve since realized that she’s actually always tired here– doesn’t take heat/humidity well T__T).  so we stayed close to home and went to the market to… buy stuff to eat! :D

fish booth (we didn't end up getting anything here)... stinky.

my aunt buying beef tongue... ew. i try to be adventurous with the food i eat but i didn't try any of this.

stand where we bought the cow tongue. you can see the cages in the background where they keep live chickens... then kill them when people order them (sorry bunny T__T)

this is another sensory overload place… more in the smell part than anywhere else (and mostly the stink of fish, raw meat, or live chicken).  it’s also kind of overwhelming to walk down an aisle and have people all around yelling at you to come to their stand or trying to shove things into your hands.

we also bought some clams and stirfried them.

my aunt cooking the clams

clams stirfried with basil and ginger... yum. :d

i’m long overdue for a food post…

if there were, i know what i would share with you all.  my favorite smell in taiwan (that isn’t food): jasmine.

my favorite non-food smell in taiwan: jasmine flowers!

street vendors sell bunches of these to hang in your house/car, or to carry with you.  i wish i could bottle it up and make a lotion out of it, or something. :)

taipei is definitely sensory overload– the hot, muggy weight of the air.  the damp smell after it rains.  car horns blaring, scooters idling, people calling out to each other on the sidewalk.  the smell of incense at a temple.  warm rain.  delicious food… ’nuff said.